Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
