Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
