2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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