what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
