Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
