My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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