I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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