You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
