I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
