Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
