You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
