The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
