in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
