it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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