The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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