Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
