I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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