id be glad to
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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