I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize