my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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