He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We need to get me chipped asap
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