Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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