Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
