you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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