There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
