I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
