one two three fourrrrnication!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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