After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
