If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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