note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
