I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
