i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
