I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
