he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
