from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
