would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
