Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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