Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
