party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
