Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
