All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
