so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
