Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Randomize
