I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
