An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
