forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
