i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
