non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
