More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
