We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
