My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
