Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize