You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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