I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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