HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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