the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sext me about skeletons
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
