She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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