Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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