take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
