turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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