Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
