Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
