i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
