You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
