Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
