i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
