just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize