Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I AM VODKA MAN
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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