Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
