There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize