drinking out of a sandbucket again
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
