What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
