ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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