The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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