Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
