if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
