Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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