my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
