he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
