New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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