Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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