Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
